so explain again why im purple
no
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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