I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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