see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
