I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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