I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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