Got a toothbrush?
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
