Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
