I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
