Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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