so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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