he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
