yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
