Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
