I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize