You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
