i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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