That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
