you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think a kid would responsible me up
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
