1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
