but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
