So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
