According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
