Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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