this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
