No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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