Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
