So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
