Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i jhust puked up my retainher.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize