dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
