I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
