The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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