Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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