My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
