No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
