I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
MIDGETS
????
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
