Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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