why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize