who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
