How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
