your room smells of hookers.
And success
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
