I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize