they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
