hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
