I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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