Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize