you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
