im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
