I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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