i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
