I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
