I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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