billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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