Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
