If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
