i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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