If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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