It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
