everyone is single if you try hard enough
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
