Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize