I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We need a shit load of segways right now
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
