Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
