I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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