i used baking grease as lip gloss
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
