If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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