i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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