I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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