Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
