ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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