i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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