Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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