dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
