That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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