I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
