im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
