normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
