can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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