I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
